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We get a lot of correspondence at Seamlyne.com. We try very hard to personally respond to each one; sometimes, it's a new costumer asking for advice, sometimes it's a more experienced costumer correcting my technique. It's all good.

And sometimes we get stuff that engenders a great deal of head scratching, and a lot of giggling...

The following is a letter I received via email on Sunday, February 21 , 1999. It took me some time to decide if "Mr. Buttmore" was serious or not, stoned or not, was actually possessed of a de Bergerac-ian dilemma or not. In the end, I decided that I didn't particularly care, I simply couldn't let it pass by without setting pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard as the case may be.

He wrote:

 

 

 

My reply:

"No examples of this form of decoration survive due in large part to the very portion of the body they covered. The exhalations of the human lung are, by nature, humid; the level of humidity of the air from one's lungs at time of exhale is roughly fifty percent (Pearson's Study Of The Respiratory System, John Robert Pearson, George Washington University Publishing, 1947). This moisture, combined with the condition of the average individual's facial skin (sic) in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries and the use of makeup by both sexes, has been the largest contributing factor in the decay of these pieces."

"In May of 1940, barely one month before Dunkerque, France fell to the advancing German army, archaeologist Francois d'Eloge stunned the world with his discovery of a fully intact nose piece, found under the altar stone of a church in the parish of St. Renee. After much discussion, however, Msr. d'Eloge revealed his hoax as an elaborately decorated muzzle, probably from a greyhound belonging to the Fifth Earl of Huntley, who lived one hundred years after the nose piece fell from favor. Msr. d'Eloge was unceremoniously handed over to the German commander on June 4, 1940, and, with an equal lack of ceremony, if, indeed, anyone actually noticed, was executed the following day."

 


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